With Valentine’s Day here, it’s a reminder that it’s also Singles Awareness Day. Like you didn’t already feel bad enough about being single, right?
But this year, you don’t need to wallow and bring yourself down just because you aren’t in a relationship.
Because, believe it or not, there are plenty of great reasons to be single on Valentine’s Day, and even better reasons to be confident and happy about it.
Think about it: If you were in a relationship for Valentine’s Day, you may end up being one of these three types of unfortunate couples:
1. The couple who’s lost that loving feeling
The first thing to keep in mind is that those couples you see “celebrating” on Valentine’s Day are not all necessarily happy or confident. Many of them celebrate out of a feeling of obligation or see it as a burden.
And while they may temporarily rekindle some embers, problems typically go deeper than flowers, candy, jewelry, or a date can fix. Rather than feel sad for yourself for being single, be happy you are not part of a spark-less couple.
2. The couple who is desperate not to feel alone
Other couples celebrating this socially enforced holiday are simply two people coming together because they each feel desperate for a date.
They didn’t want to feel like the stereotypically sad and lonely single, or they want to prove to an ex they are still desirable and hopefully convince themselves of the same thing in the process.
If you’ve been there before, this is the year to happily rise to a new level
3. The couple who barely knows each other and feels awkward, but knows they still have to do something
These are brand new couples who feel so awkward as February 14th draws near because they have yet to define their relationship. The man takes the financial plunge on flowers, candy, jewelry, and dinner just to avoid screwing up.
This, in turn, may cause even more discomfort down the road if she reads more into the gifts than he intended.
Be happy you have 11 more months to magnetize a well-defined relationship before Valentine’s Day next year.
Confident, happy couples don’t need a contrived holiday telling them to celebrate their love.
Truly happy couples celebrate their love every day. They are made up of two emotionally healthy people who are confident in what they bring to the relationship. Both appreciate the qualities and quirks of the other, communicate effectively, and share the same values.
They understand and adjust to each other’s’ personality styles, which most couples fail miserably at. They make time together and time apart from one another a priority, and they protect each other and their relationship even during challenges.
Be happy you have this time with yourself to build your self-confidence, self-respect and healthy self-image. You can begin to feel more confident regarding your status as a single this year by separating the truth from the hype.
There is a small percentage of truly happy, confident couples celebrating their undying love on Valentine’s Day. The rest are simply stressing out, spending money they don’t have, and trying not to screw it up. The man usually does what he thinks is expected, knowing she may still feel let down.
Playing into this game of socially mandated gestures, gifts and words is emotionally dangerous, as it reduces self-confidence and self-esteem for men and women alike. So, be happy you are not in one of these awkward or bitter couples. Truth be told, many of them would rather be you.
You can become the confident woman you’re meant to be while still being single. In fact, women who do the work to get there while they are coupled up sometimes end up growing in the opposite direction of their partner. This is because she magnetized someone who was attracted to who she was rather than to the self-assured woman she is becoming.
You have the opportunity to do your personal self-esteem work now, which means you will be likely to attract a man who has done his inner work also. An entirely different quality of man will respond to you when you have a solid foundation of self-confidence.
A healthy, happy couple is comprised of two healthy, happy, and confident singles who join together in order expand their lives.
You have a tremendous amount of power within you to magnetize the level of relationship you want and deserve. You just need to pop it open and start using it to your advantage.
Being Single and Happy on Valentine’s Day
“MAYBE NEXT YEAR, CHARLIE BROWN!”
Those five words sum up the ending of Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown. Does his disappointment strike a chord in you? It’s not uncommon for us singles to feel left out because we don’t hear “Be Mine” from Prince Charming on the annual holiday promoting romance.
Instead of breaking up with Valentine’s Day, here are four ways to say “yes”:
1. Let yourself get excited.
“I encourage a woman to be real about loss and to admit, ‘I’m not going to celebrate the day as it’s meant to be and that really stinks.’ Then, let go of having to celebrate romantically and be open to new ways,” says Edna Lee, a licensed professional counselor. The initial step to saying “yes” to celebrating is to grieve the reality that the day will not look the same as it does for couples.
While it’s true that a single woman misses out on an experience, the next step is to recognize false assumptions in her mind that a relationship would be consistently life giving and romantic. Sure, a relationship might be in a good place, making the day special.
The other side of reality is that the day is filled with painful reminders. An insensitive guy withholds or forgets. Perhaps, the day brings sadness because he’s struggling with a debilitating health issues and can’t express his love. Life comes with baggage, making relationships unpredictable.
What can the single woman get excited about when it comes to celebrating a day in which she feels like the essential piece is missing? She can embrace the present moment of giving and receiving love in her relationship with God and people around her.
2. Open your heart to creatively gather friends.
Lee says, “When I was single in graduate school, a couple of girlfriends and I went out to dinner for Valentine’s. As we looked around, we realized that many of the couples around us weren’t talking very much. We had a really fun evening. This picture of us having the capacity to enjoy a special evening together on a day that can rob a woman of her joy is forever imprinted in my mind.”
Given that the day can’t be erased from the calendar, single women should allow themselves to look toward Valentine’s Day with anticipation. Turning the day into a celebration means thinking creatively about gathering friends. It may be as simple as initiating with one or two for a chick flick, or the creativity could extend to groups.
3. Validate and invest in others.
A few years ago, I decided to mail Valentine’s cards to single girlfriends reminding them of God’s love through writing out a Bible verse. I signed God underneath as I wanted them to focus on how He felt about them and not about my gesture of sending the card. It brought joy to my heart to think of the surprise they received when picking up their mail.
Because Valentine’s Day reminds us of romantic relationships, the tendency is to focus on what single women don’t have. Taking time to enrich another person’s life brings freedom from self-absorption.
Supporting the marriages of friends and family could translate into offering to babysit so that a couple can spend time together or gathering singles at a church to cook meals for couples. Beyond serving married friends, reaching out to a widow or a woman who is suffering physically with a note, flowers or time spent in prayer together spreads love in unexpected ways.
4. Expect God to come through for you.
Valentine’s Day provides an opportunity to reflect upon true love. I John 4:7-10 points to God as the author of supernatural love. This truth reveals a refreshing reminder: a woman’s experience of love is not limited to the presence or absence of a human relationship despite how the media or our culture defines love. She is not worth more because she has a guy by her side since God as her Creator defines her as His beloved daughter for whom a great price has been paid in the sacrifice of Christ.
God romances a woman by pursuing her heart so she can ask Him to make Valentine’s Day meaningful for her; of course, taking the opportunity at the same time to talk to Him about her desires including romance from a man. God’s inexhaustible, overflowing and incomparable love is a love worth celebrating on Valentine’s and every day.